Back to work tomorrow. I'm dreading it and looking forward to it at the same time. I'm going to be soooo far behind on everything and it's going to take a while to catch up. And I'm not going to be back up to full speed again right away, either. I guess all I can do is all I can do. So today, partly because I have a serious case of anticipatory anxiety, and partly because there's a lot of other stuff going on, I had a little minor meltdown. Started doing way too much thinking, which led to a whole lotta stressing, and I wound up in near panic. It's the usual stuff...finances, the divorce, my youngest sons' troubles, blah blah blah. Whew. Wore myself completely out with all that. So I called Lex and Jeanna. Worked on my perspective a little bit. I'm better but not great. I'm sure I'll feel better after I go back to work and dive in. Can't do much about the rest of it, which I guess is part of the problem. Still worrying about things and people I have no control over. Damn, I hate that. Anyway, I decided it was a good evening to chill out, read a little, and just be still. So that's what I'm doing. A short walk with the pug dog, a nice hot bath, and we're curling up with a good book (me and the dog).
Today I'm grateful for:
Not being drunk. Couldn't have been there for my son if I were. I got to witness a whole crew of women high as kites (they were all related) while we were in court this morning, and I know without a doubt, there but for the grace of God go I.
A great job to go back to.
Air conditioning. I don't tolerate heat well ;-)
My doctor. She's taken really good care of me and I already feel better than I have in a long time.
Jeanna and Lex.
My relationship with God.