I guess updates are in order, eh? My son, I believe, has found his bottom. Got arrested on some pretty serious charges. Called and asked for help. He says he's willing to do whatever it takes to straighten his life out. And he truly seems willing. That may have to do with leaving him in jail for a week to think about things. But he's willing to make some dramatic changes and for that I'm truly grateful. Although this has been one of the most difficult and stressful weeks of my life, I've gotten through it through the grace of God, with His help, and that of many friends and loved ones. I absolutely could not have survived the last week, let alone stayed sober, without Alexis by my side. I'm sure she's been a little frustrated at not being able to do more or to fix things (she REALLY wanted to be able to fix something), but she's done a ton of stuff to make my life easier and give me a chance to concentrate on my kiddo, and I hope she knows how much it means. My sponsor and dear friend Jeanna has consoled and guided and prodded and advised and loved and been wonderful, too. And many many others in this amazing fellowship. Too many to count. That's what it's all about, right? So, I continue to trudge. I'm exhausted but hopeful, and that's just huge.
Through all this my ex has exhibited some truly un-lovely behavior and that too is a miracle because it's helped me to let go of some old stuff and for the first time since our separation and divorce began, I really feel free from the bondage of some of that old past. I'm grateful to him for that. Weird, but true.
So, I'm hanging in there. Which is what AA and the fellowship have taught me to do.
Today, I'm grateful for:
Not wanting or needing to drink to obliterate my problems. What a miracle that is.
Being able to be an example for my son when he was ready to do something about his problems.
The amazing men and women in my life who have helped me through this very trying time.
Having my baby turn to me and tell me that he envies me the peace in my life. Talk about a moment! And being able to tell him, honestly, that's what I wish for him, and that he too can have that kind of peace in his life, if he chooses.
Joel, for taking Michael out for a day of AA. What a shining example of this program that young man is. He literally takes my breath away.
Pee-wee & Jeanna. 'Nuf said.
My Lee-Bear who loves his mom just the way she is, and doesn't mind holding my hand and drying my tears while I proceed to freak out and melt down. Then he picks me up and points me towards the women in my life who just continue to hold me up until I can stand on my own. They they all reach out and hold up my child.
My Higher Power, who is all over this thing with Michael. Everywhere I turn, I see Him. I'm soooooo blessed.
For being granted the blessing of having been sober for 6 years today. Now that's truly a miracle.